The Affirmation card today. 😘😂 Hell yeah!
ONLY on good days though!
Today, is a Wonky head day.
What is a wonky head day you ask.
Let me tell you! 😉 A wonky head day can be different every time, but today, today I woke up feeling good. A tad tired, but good.
(My own fault, I didn’t go to bed until after 9pm because I wanted to spend a little time with my family. geez) Otherwise, I see them for a short time while we eat supper, then I’m shot and going to bed early, like normal. It makes me miss them. 😢
Anyway, I woke up fine. Got to work sweeping the floors, just like every morning. Getting the house ready for some littles to be dropped off, got myself a smoothy made before I forgot to have a breakfast. Garrett was a sweetheart and did the outside chores for me.
Then I realize last minute that there’s a change to my daily schedule and that alone throws me off. I don’t know why, but it does. I NEED to know my entire days schedule at least a few days in advance otherwise I just feel so confused, my system feels thrown out of wack, and then I get crabby easy. (I don’t want to be like this; I have NO control over it. It can be a PCS or TBI thing, everyone’s different, don’t judge. LOL)
I’ve been trying to work on things for Tea Leaf & Tallow, so I have several different things running through my head that I still need to accomplish within the next two weeks. Multitasking and TBI’s do NOT work well together! That alone just poops my brain battery out.
Then I remembered I had a question for Paul. Gave him a call and just like that, in the middle of saying something I just like, glitched. Froze. I couldn’t think, I stuttered a bit, had to stop and really try to think about the words I was trying to say. Of course, I apologize for sounding like an idiot on the phone which of course he always says, ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s okay.’ (Or something like that) Then it takes me two or three times as long to get out what I had wanted to say.
At that moment, my eyeballs instantly feel this weird pressure on them, and I just want to close them and take a nap. Instantly super tired. If I did actually go to take a nap, I would easily be out for the next couple of hours. Not doable.
Pushing through,,,,,, just keep pushing through.
I like to call this my “Fake it till you make it” mode.
I lag, I have a hard time with just about everything but if someone shows up, I can muster my energy to at least appear normal until they leave again. (You know, because I’d rather avoid the embarrassment.)
Then after they leave, I’m back to glitching again, then tired, then back to lagging and being lazy until I need to muster extra energy again for who knows what. Pretty much over and over until I can finally go to bed and sleep.
There is a great representation of this I had printed out and it hangs inside a cabinet door for Paul and the kids as a reminder. I’ll share it. It shows a comparison of a normal, healthy persons ‘brain battery’ compared to a TBI persons brain battery. BIG difference, and very accurate.
This website also has a LOT of great information about Brain injuries if anyone really wants to learn more about it. Fatigue After Brain Injury – Brain Injury Association of America
As for me… This “Wonky” head issue pops up now and then. Sometimes it is daily until I can just rest extra-long and catch up. Sometimes I can go for days without it being an issue almost each entire day. I just never know exactly what the cause or triggers can be. Sometimes I think I worked it out and then my brain decides to prove me wrong. Like some sick joke.
Really, I feel like the person it effects the most (besides myself) is my husband. Because not only does he work his full-time job, help on the farm whenever they call, help his friends whenever they call, but he also picks up ALL the slack that I leave for him at the end of the day.
He If my head is not cooperating well and he gets home from work, he sends me to bed and takes over literally everything. Meals, kitchen cleanup, kids, chores, bills, and yet he STILL has a very hard time saying “NO” if someone else calls for help.
You can tell by looking at him that he is EXHAUSTED, but he will never admit it. When he does finally get to sit on the couch, he’ll be asleep almost instantly. So much so that he started watching TV in the Kitchen, sitting at the island, because he knows he won’t be comfortable enough to fall asleep. The guy NEVER gets a day off to just, do NOTHING, and that’s MY fault. 😢
It makes me appreciate, respect, and love him SO much more every day.
I am in awe. 💕
I guess it makes sense that I dedicate today post to Paul.
The man who makes the hardest days feel lighter. The man who keeps me in check yet still seems proud of me. The man who most likely will say he agrees with today’s card! HA! The man whom I will never stop begging for a Scottish Highlander calf from. LOL The man who puts up with my crazy days, my wonky head days, my worst days and still loves me those days and all the days in-between.
“I’ve known you for as long as I’ve known you.” 😉🤣 I’m so glad we picked each other.
Thank you, Paul, for being the living proof of everything I wrote today.
Take care today.
*Hugs*
Come spill the tea with me!