I missed Saturday, and yesterday. I feel bad about it, but it couldn’t be helped.
The weekend was a crazy rat race. The combine broke at the farm so Paul spent his afternoon and evening helping my dad to get it fixed just so dad could finish harvesting his corn. I helped Mom do the barn chores so the guys could keep working.
As soon as we got home I showered and went to bed. Exhausted.
Sunday was even busier as I was racing to get done what I meant to get done on Saturday, PLUS what needed to get done on Sunday. I failed. Failure is just part of life but with my TBI (and my own stubbornness) I don’t take it well.
It was getting dark outside and I wasn’t finished. My brain decided to do a “Hard Shut Down” I like to call it. That’s pretty much what it is.
It stops working, just like when your cell phone hits 0% battery and turns itself off when you least expect it.
Paul helped me pick eggs then get to the house. I couldn’t talk well, stuttering a lot. Repeating words. It’s pretty embarrassing.
I have to really concentrate on the movements of my feet to be able to climb the stairs. Like everything else, it is WORK to think about what I need my body to do next.
So, my shower was also difficult and way too long while I sat through it most of the time.
I skipped eating supper and was passed out in bed by 7:30. Slept right until my alarm went off yesterday morning. The ONLY reason I got up was because I had no choice. Otherwise, I would have easily slept the whole day.
Now, with a TBI, it takes my brain a good day or two to fully recover from running it dead like that. Since I literally can’t just take two days off, it will take me at least twice as long. It can get painful. My ears are both ringing now, (which is rare, usually it’s just my left ear) and my eyes HURT. Then once in a while the pain radiates behind my left eye up the top of my head and wraps around the back.
Sometimes I think it feels like someone has a screwdriver stuck in the top of my head and is swirling it around, mixing things up. Then you feel it press on the back of your eye. UGH. Yeah, it hurts a lot like that.
Yesterday I wasn’t about to write a post only because looking at the computer screen was just too painful.
Today, I’ll be keeping it short. At the same time, this is a great example to help explain to people what it’s like living life with a TBI and the 24/7 symptoms that decide to come and go however and whenever they please.
Someone will ask how I’m feeling, and I usually respond “Fine” or try to keep it positive. It is too tiring to try and explain, “Well today my left ear is ringing so bad I’d love to gauge it out with an ice pick, and the kids yelling is bringing tears to my eyes.” or “Right now I just wish I could wear an eye mask because the light hurts too much and it feels like there is a screwdriver lodged behind my temple.” Every day, some days are worse than others.
How do you explain this to people, every day?? You don’t. They will either think you’re making it all up, or they’ll just get sick of hearing it and either way, they’ll stop talking to you.
Before you ask, NO. Just popping some Tylenol or some kind of pain reliever does not help. I WILL make some of my headache tea though. That does help calm it down some. (It’s also much safer for your body.)
A LOT of relationships are lost completely after someone experiences a brain injury.
I guess I kind of get it. I keep wondering just how long it’ll be before Paul just can’t handle this stress anymore and needs to leave, just to save his own sanity. I wouldn’t blame him. I’d be totally heartbroken, but I’d get it. I don’t know if I’d be strong enough to deal with me.
He swears he’s in it for the long haul. “Till death do us part.”
Just another reason why I love him so much! I picked a good one. 😉❤
At this point, and days like Sunday, yesterday and today, it sounds like a challenge. An end point for me. Something for him to look forward to.
Yes, I Know, morbid! LOL If you can’t at least keep a small sense of humor over it what’s the point!?
Paul and I often disagree who is going to eventually pass away first. I Know I’ll be gone long before him. He thinks just the opposite.
Which in reality I think we both believe this because neither WANTS to outlive the other. So maybe we can aim for an end like on the movie “The Notebook”. ❤ LOL
If only it were that easy! LOL😂
Anyway, there’s a small peak into my real life.
OH! My Affirmation card today….
Enjoy your day and take care of yourself. You’re the only you there is. ❤
*Hugs*
Come spill the tea with me!