Today’s Affirmation card,
I feel like a LOT of people need to read this and then read it again. Believe in yourself and what you are capable of doing. Love this one. 🙂
I had a very good day a couple of months ago. By that I mean, my memory was working well, I was getting things accomplished and making progress. This day was also when I realized, ‘hmmmm, I can’t remember the last time I’ve been in for a yearly physical, or a (ugh) mammogram.’ So I decided to catch up on myself.
Yesterday was my annual physical. The first one in almost 5 years, I think. oops. LOL
It took me a long time to find healthcare professionals who actually agree and support me in my “Natural remedies” rather than jump into prescriptions right away. I won’t even share their names because I don’t want them getting into trouble for doing just that. I love who I see now. 🙂
Anyway, yesterday’s physical went well, I guess. First the nurse takes you back and gets a weight. (We won’t discuss that. Ha!) Then height. My height, which is officially 5 foot 3 1/2 inches, has been a topic of dispute between my husband and myself for as long as we’ve known each other.
Now, he’s roped the kids onto his side as well. Whatever.
I used to be 5′ 4″. He believes I was never that tall and I’ve always been 5’3″.
Yes, to me, that one inch is a HUGE difference! LMAO Don’t ask why, it just is. I get teased for being short a lot.
Which is why I love going to family functions on my mother’s side, because I feel tall, or, taller. All of the women on my mom’s side are very short.
I think my mom never passed 5′ even. My grandmother and her sister are around 4’10” I think. Runs in the family.
But, as the x-rays shown to me by my Neurologic Chiropractor, I have several “kinks” in my spine from all the different traumas I’ve had causing the different concussions. SO! IF my spine were completely trauma free and straight again I most certainly would be 5’4″!! Proving, that I was right!
Yes,,,,, Paul and I are both very competitive. Me even more so maybe. hee hee
He still refuses to acknowledge my correct height. I don’t feel this is fair since he’s an entire foot taller than me anyway! grrrrrr. HE CAN GIVE ME THIS ONE THING! LOL
So,,, the disagreement will live on forever most likely.
Back on subject! The rest of the appointment I was just happy about the confirmation of my height. 😉
Had my Mammogram done prior to this appointment and those results were all good she confirmed. Get those boobs squished and checked ladies! Cancer is NOT something you want to ignore!
Even as crazy odd as that appointment is, I know it’s important. Letting some woman you don’t even know (though, I’m not sure it would be any better letting some chick I DO know) handle poor Thelma and Louise, pulling them into position while the rest of your body can’t follow because of the plastic barrier, your face can do nothing but flatten against it as you’re trying to give your poor breasts any extra leeway you can. Then she squishes the crap out of them between two slabs of CLEAR plastic while you hold your breath like it’s a deep-sea dive!
Does it really NEED to be clear plastic? So you both can easily see the girls looking like pink flapjacks in desperate need for some sunlight. Geez! They’re MY boobs and I don’t even want to see that!
Anyway, that’s done for the next 3 years… or the next time I remember. LOL
Next up, a Colonoscopy! My Dr. explained that they used to start doing these scans at 50 years old but now they’re started at 45 because of the huge increase in colon cancers in people.
Oh darn,,, I’m a year late. LOL
Does anyone look into WHY so many more people are developing this cancer?? Are we trying to fix the causes??? 😦
Apparently, you now have two options, the full colonoscopy. Which in short, they shove a camera up there to check on the status of things and if they find anything odd, they can take care of it right away.
OR, you can do what is called Cologuard. Which in short, at home you shit in a cup and mail it in. Done. A lap screens it for any abnormalities and they let you know.
COLONOSCOPY – On the plus side. A full colonoscopy is more in depth (Literally!) An overall better screening, they will know everything right away and if there would be an issue, like polyps, they can take them out right there. Plus, if you pass with no issues, you don’t need to do it again for another 10 years. Once in 10 years seems doable. (DON’T tell Paul I agreed to that! HA!)
COLONOSCOPY – On the downside. You’re put under, Have NO clue who is doing what and have a camera shoved in there and my dumbass imagination has those techs cracking jokes. (I only think that because that’s what I’d be doing. lol) What if you fart while under! What if on the screen it looks like that creepy tunnel that Luke Skywalker, Solo, and them fly into to hide, only to find out it’s a giant alien worm!? Gross!! I feel like they could at least buy me dinner first! Are they going to talk nice to me as I wake up? Whisper sweet nothings?
COLOGUARD – On the plus side. No invasion of your “exit only”, no trip to the hospital. If you miss the cup, no embarrassment because you’re in your own home. Volia! Done. They call you with any results.
COLOGUARD – On the downside. It is only good for three years. So, 1 colonoscopy = 3 shits in a cup. It’s considered a light screening so things could very possibly be missed. Plus, IF they do find anything abnormal, you’ll need to do a colonoscopy anyway!
So, of course I thought it would be smarter to just do the full colonoscopy and be done with it. SUCK IT UP SUE! I’m NOT looking forward to this. My poor butts puckered shut just thinking about it. At least my Dr. has a good sense of humor as I discussed this all with her also. Ha!
I might just ask the tech the day it comes up if they’re buying dinner. They’re going to get to know me so well! LOL
That decision done and recorded my Dr. then proceeded with the rest of my physical. a Pap smear. UGH!
One nice thing about a female Dr. is they know enough to run the speculum under warm water first, so they’re not shoving an ice-cold metal tool in there just to dig around like they’re looking for lost treasure. NO ONE wants that kind of a frozen slushy!
Hello!! I’m thinking of the kid on the movie “The Christmas Story” when he stuck his tongue onto the frozen metal flagpole. OUCH! LOL
Unless it’s April Fool’s Day.
If I were an OBGYN on April Fool’s Day, I’d get fired. How fun would that be though….. “Place your legs in the stirrups please and just relax.” *Leans forward and echo’s* “Helloooo hellooooo hellooooo!” “Is there anybody in thereeeee!?”
I LOVE April Fool’s day, a WHOLE day’s topic right there! HA!
Sorry, back on main topic.
That all went as well as could be expected. LOL
She finished up and told me I could get dressed and be on my way. I felt like a bad Temu hooker that couldn’t even get paid. WAIT, I PAID HER! Damn.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, yes, I can be pretty sarcastic. LOL
So moral of today’s topic is, Call your doctor’s office people!! Get your physical, mammograms, & colonoscopies done! Take care of your body! It’s the only one you’ll ever get! Better late than never. 😉
*Hugs*
Come spill the tea with me!