I truly hope you all are having a good Friday. Wherever you may be.
Which brings up a good question. Where is everyone from who reads this? I’m genuinely interested in learning more about my readers. 🙂
Not in a creepy stalker way, just curious how far this might reach. LOL
If it reaches anyone……. Hello??
Yesterday afternoon a strange package showed up at our back door. Right away Paul assumes I wasted some more money on Amazon but after opening it up, and double checking, I knew it was NOT ordered by me!
Where was this from!? Then double checking inside the large paper envelope was a little slip of paper Amazon prints with “A gift for you” printed on it.
Awwwwwww. I got a gift!
It warmed my heart. Also lightened the mood as the small box says on the top “Listen B*tch” – “Affirmation cards to remind you who the f*ck you are”
I LOVE IT! LOL!
Each day I’m picking a card to read.
Yesterdays card was “If you can’t find a way, carve your own f*cking path.”
Today’s card reads “Your worth is not tied to your productivity.”
I’m going to try to remember to share my daily cards now. 🙂
My dear friend Jen sent them. She said a friend sent her the same thing a while back when she was going through a rough time and it really helped. Jen’s the best! What a great gift!
I also took the liberty to find them on Amazon for anyone out there who might be interested. They have different packs for updates also.
Today’s affirmation arrived at the perfect time, as I had an early morning appointment with Gus at Gus Tats in Green Bay. He is an awesome artist and is helping me draw up a tattoo that Paul is letting me get for a Anniversary/Birthday/Christmas gift.
I was thinking of it for a long while now. Something that signifies the changes I have had to go through, becoming essentially a completely different person after that one nasty concussion & stroke. Dealing with Post Concussion Syndrome, depression, and everything else that gets thrown at you.
A person must go through a legit mourning process dealing with Persistent Post Concussion Syndrome. The loss of your old life, and all the things you used to love doing, that you just no longer can do.
We learned about this at the Love Your Brain Retreat also. All the different stages you must go through before finally landing on “Acceptance”.
I tend to toggle a lot between the different stages.
Some days, I’m still stuck in Denial. If I’m having a good head day and I feel energetic, I tend to really get to work. That may be cleaning out the ducks and chickens, working in the gardens, moving all of the furniture to thoroughly wash the floors, polish them, then move all the furniture back. No matter what I’m working on I always over-do it and end up burning myself out. Then I’ll suffer for it the next couple of days.
Some days, I feel like I’m still Mourning. Jealous when I have to witness others going out and having fun. I used to like play wrestling and rough housing with the kids. I used to LOVE going to the sportsman’s club and shooting trap with friends every week. I used to LOVE going Whitetail deer hunting. Going fishing out on the boat with Paul. I used to just enjoy a nice cold beer or two. I loved painting, and working with other adults out in the real world. Spending the holidays getting loud and laughing until there were tears with family. Being able to stay up late at night doing, anything.
Some days, I feel like I’m good with it all, Acceptance. I’ve come to terms with what my life is like from now on. Staying positive and actually working towards making something of myself in the world I’m in now.
Some days, like yesterday afternoon and last night, I felt Depressed. Like no matter what I try to do or accomplish, I fuck it up. My lack of straight-thinking things through just sets me up for failure. I’m just wasting my and Pauls time and money.
So, the card I read this morning was nice. A small kickstart in the right direction as I drove myself to my appointment with Gus.
Who is drawing up a Phoenix, symbolizing my being “reborn” into who I am today. A brain pierced by an arrow, symbolizing my concussions, and small tallies of just how many I’ve had so far. (Hopefully that’s ALL I get too!)
I won’t lie; I’m just a tad nervous for it. It is pretty large.
I’m mostly excited, like this chapter is officially starting for me.
I’ll be happy to share how it turns out. Though, I’m sure you can follow Gus Tat’s on Facebook also and tag along. He’ll be posting it as well. LOL (I did warn him I’d rather my face not be in the pic. HA!)
But I AM worth this. I have fought pretty damn hard through a LOT of pain, and just a lot of BS. I deserve this for myself.
I know my worth. It might not be what it once was, but it’s still pretty damn good.
Which makes me remember someone in the Post Concussion Support group saying that to celebrate their “Rebirth” they actually had their entire name legally changed! (We were discussing what everyone has been doing.) Some go out and celebrate their “Concussion Anniversary”. Some went on big vacations. Some got tattoos. But the name change, that was the first and only time I heard that. That’s BIG!
It makes sense though.
I could not believe just how many PCS victims have been completely ostracized by their own families! Just because they cannot physically SEE anything wrong with their own son/daughter/relative, they choose not to believe that there’s anything wrong with them. They choose to shun them.
Marriages have ended over PCS, families torn apart. It is beyond sad.
Then people wonder why the suicide rate is so high!
If you come across someone with an invisible disability, NEVER assume they’re faking it, or just out for extra attention. Don’t be THAT kind of an asshole!!
This subject obviously gets me pretty worked up and pissed off. So, we’ll end it there for today. LOL
You take care of yourself, no one else will.
*Hugs*
Come spill the tea with me!